Computers are known to be the emotional scourge of the 20th century. Every joke known to mankind has been re-written to include the computer as the antagonist with the user playing the part of the victim protagonist. But the computer becomes less of a nemesis when the user realizes one thing: the computer has no emotions. Honest! At least not yet. That may come later as technologies become more available. The robot explosion in Japan has not yet reached your lap top, so calm down.

More often than is healthy, the average computer users find themselves at odds with the little machine that was manufactured to make their lives easier. To be fair, computers do malfunction and eventually break. There is, however, one human behavior that almost every computer user practices when the program of choice does not jump to immediate command: hitting the key continually in rapid succession to relieve the stress of the program’s inability to jump to the users emotions. Guess what? The program doesn’t care. Neither does the computer.

Rapid fire key banging is a wonderful way to make your frustration permanent for the remainder of the work day. It sends the signal that is already malfunctioning to the CPU dozens of times, creating a snowball effect that allows you to enjoy that frustration you were waiting for! What a deal! Frustration times ten cubed all for the tiny price of an uncontrolled vibrating finger over the enter key. If you practice this often you may even provide yourself with the entertainment that comes with the blue screen of death. Then you know you’ve won the contest of mind over mindless.

Computers are mankind’s modern day Zen machine. Monks in Japan spent hundreds of years practicing the play of the Shakuhachi, a bamboo end blown flute, to form self-discipline unmatched in most societies. With the need to create better tools for a busy modern society, manufacturers inadvertently gave us this electronic Shakuhachi as a test of our resolve to find centered peace.

Score: Computers 1. Humanity 0.